THE Salsa

Okay. I made you wait all week—are you ready for it? Because believe me like you’ve never believed anyone before: you want to try this one.

You NEED to try this one.

Your life won’t be the same once you do.

Here goes, in photos and then with the link to the printable version.

First, you need a bag of chips or tortillas on standby–whatever your preferred salsa delivery vehicle.

Second, you need 24 pounds of tomatoes, 5 pounds of jalapeños, 12 pounds of onion, and 16 bunches of cilantro:

No, just kidding. The massive quantities were for some gift batches.

How about 5 roma tomatoes, 3 jalapeños, 1 onion, and 1 bunch of cilantro?

Much more manageable, no? Other players: white onion, minced garlic, cilantro, brown sugar, kosher salt, black pepper, and, maybe, Rotel.

Throw those tomatoes and jalapeños (whole! don’t slice off the tops yet) on a cookie sheet . . .

. . . put them in the oven and set it on the lowest broil setting.

We’re going for charred flesh on those veggies, so it’s going to take them a total of 20-30 minutes of broil time. About halfway through we’ll be flipping them over, but for now it’s busy-work with the other ingredients.

Cut the onion into large chunks and put the chunks in a blender (or food processor).

Chop the cilantro and inhale. Mmmmm.

Then add 1/2 cup of it (less if you’re not a fan of this herb, more if you’re a lover of it) to the blender.

Are the tomatoes and peppers blackening? Once they do, it will be time to turn them over.

Also going in the blender:

2 Tablespoons minced garlic

1 Tablespoon brown sugar

1 Tablespoon juice from The Lime Grenade (Don’t forget the sound effect and take-cover routine. Even if you’re home alone.)

1 teaspoon kosher salt

1 teaspoon ground black pepper

Are the tomatoes and peppers done now?

Know one of my favorite things about this recipe? The goal is to burn what I put in the oven.

Now, slice the stems off of the jalapeños . . .

. . . and add the tomatoes and the peppers to the blender.

Chop until well-blended (but not pureed).

Now, pull those chips in from standby and taste test!  Because we can’t know in advance how sweet or flavorful the tomatoes will be, we keep a can of Rotel on hand in case the salsa needs a reliable tomato booster.  If it needs it (which, being the huge Rotel fans that we are, we often find that it does), now is the time to dump in the can and give it the salsa another spin in the blender.

Now? Mmmmmmmmm?

Approximate yield: 1 quart, a little over that if the veggies are large and you add the Rotel.

After you’ve eaten half of the quart straight out of the blender (Seriously, no shame in that. Because when it’s still warm? Ugh. Utter powerlessness.), store the remainder in the refrigerator for up to two weeks. It’s possible that it could be stored longer than that, but we’ve never had a batch last beyond that point.

Worth mentioning, if you like to live on the edge, like the possibility of a heat that will leave your ears ringing: use a 1:1 ratio of tomatoes and jalapeños. The first batch I made this season was 5:5, tomatoes to jalapeños. I couldn’t hear for several minutes. Or, maybe I just wasn’t listening because my mouth was screaming HELP! HELP! MAAAAYYYYDDAAAAYYYY! Hard to say. I roasted a few more tomatoes to bring the heat back down. Lived to tell the tale. Lived to think I’d like to try that again. Maybe with the “hot” rotel next time.

Anyway, printable version here: The Salsa.

And while you were welcome when I shared the chicken tortilla soup recipe at the first of the week, you are now REALLY REALLLLLLLLLLY WELCOME.

Mmmmmmmmmmazing, I’m telling you!